Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This is the high leading the old right now
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
