She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
