You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How does one acquire holy water?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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