If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
