Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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