i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
