Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i drank out of a bidet.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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