Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
