It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's just like the Real World with babies
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
