dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize