worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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