OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
