i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
