yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
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All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
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It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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