my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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