A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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