Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
