she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
