Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
