OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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