I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
