just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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