Plan B is the new Plan A
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
