I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
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This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
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We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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