I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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