I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
