Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
