shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
