Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
