No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
