Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
