the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
