best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
