come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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