Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
