I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
