Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
