I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
