Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
