I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
