dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
