He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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