Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
