I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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