ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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