Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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