I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
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I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
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You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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