Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
