Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(319): View more from Iowa

then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.

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(631): View more from New York

do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?

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(410): View more from Maryland

You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.

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(801): View more from Utah

I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.

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(585): View more from New York

I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital

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(720): View more from Colorado

Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".

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(858): View more from California

Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.

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