Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
