I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
