if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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