I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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