These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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