I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
