The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
