Please, let me fuck your mom
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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