I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
