I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
