I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Randomize
