did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
