Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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