My first STD was from a foam party
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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