sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
