Old men and throwing up are my life now.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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