I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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