Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
